Tribute to Henny Youngman – King of the One-Liners

A bum came up to me saying, “I haven’t eaten in two days!” I said, “You should force yourself!”

The hotel I’m in has a lovely closet. A nail. Just then, two ants climbed on the ball saying, “Let’s get up here fast before we get killed!”

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked. .

I’m now making a Jewish porno film.

Farrah’s dressing room was next to mine.

Hollywood Jokes

Homeless Guys Jokes

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. I lost 100 pounds!”

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number. The horse turns around and says “Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!”

Another bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same!”

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

My horse’s jockey was hitting the horse. I let her look. I don’t mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, “Which way do I go?” But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race .

A drunk was in front of a judge.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. . I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. . 10% sex, 90% guilt.

A bum asked me, “Give me $10 till payday.” I asked, “When’s payday?” He said, “I don’t know, you’re the one who is working!”

I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket. The drunk says, “Huh. There was a little hole in the wall. I asked, “What do you want?” He said, “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”

Hotel Jokes

I don’t mind when my horse is left at the post. It’s a little inconvenient; they’re in two separate buildings!

Drunk Jokes

I was playing golf.

Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?” I said, “$50,000.” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out

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